Relationships: To Stay or Not To Stay

"To thin own self be true."~Shakespeare

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."~Mark Twain

Why do people stay in unfulfilling relationships? People spend a vast majority of their lives in the context of roles performed in relationships. They are born into some of these roles like child and sibling. Others roles they assume like parent, child and friend. We don't pick who are parents are but we can pick who our friends and spouses are.

Romantic relationships appear to be the easiest relationships to enter and the most devastating to end. People find themselves in romantic relationships for many reasons but when those relationships progress to marriages that falter, people don't know how to leave. A major reason why people have difficulty leaving unhealthy marriages is because of their primary reasons for entering the marriages in the first place. Let's discuss some of the reasons why people marry:

Complacency: Some people get married because they have known each other for a long time and they are comfortable with the normalcy of that relationship and whatever degree of drama it has. To get married after so many years together appears to be the natural progression. Nonetheless, marriage has no magic wand, whatever issues you bring to the marriage altar the same issues will depart with you. If you are unfaithful prior to saying "I do" you will continue to be unfaithful after you say "I do". If you don't know who to effectively communicate and resolve conflict before your nuptials, then the same issues will persist. Marriage is not a natural progression in life and you do not have to be married. Marriage is not for everyone. Marriage is a beautiful divine plan for never-ending reciprocating love to be experienced by people who are "right" for each other.

Children: Some people get married because they had children (unwed) or want to start a family. If this is their reasoning then this will be their reasoning for staying in a hopeless marriage. You don't marry your children, you marry another person. Your marriage then serves as an example for your children. This example can be good or bad. Staying together for the children yields nothing but children who end up replicating the same mistakes their parents made or children who shun marriage because of what they saw growing up. Children are more resilient than parents give them credit. Some adults suffer trauma from their childhoods and project this onto their children and think the worse case scenarios if they divorce. Therefore they sacrifice their happiness for the sake of their children. Children need examples of reality not fairy tales. Children need to know life throws curve balls and how to bounce back after them. Parents have to have "real talk" with their children and empower their children to succeed regardless of whatever choices they make.

Finances: Some people get married because they want more things. They want to combine what they have with someone else to be able to have more in life. It's for that same reason they will stay with those people; they don't want to divide their things. If you divide the pie you're going to cry but if you don't divide the pie a part of you will die. The love of money is the root to ALL evil. Two are definitely better than one, but two half people don't make a whole person. Money is essential to life but not a reason to marry. Many people find themselves surrounded by all the things they wanted but not experiencing the fulfillment they idealized. Money is a seed and if you release it, it will grow. Don't be hellbound trying to hold onto to a dollar and end up losing the wealth that awaits you. Sometimes you have to cut off those things in your life that are unyielding in order to experience exponential growth.

Sex: Some people marry to have guaranteed or legalized sex. Nonetheless, many people experience that sex isn't guaranteed in marriages. Sometimes people have less sex married then what they did before they got married. Some people use sex to bait others into marriage but don't really have sexual compatibility. Sex is a method of communication and you have to make sure you and the other person are on the same frequency. If not, you will find yourself going from fornicating to adultery. There are no great or small sins. Sin is sin. Because you get married doesn't mean you are without sin. There are people who believe God honors their marriage vows but God honors vows attached to your heart. While man looks at the outside facade of marriages, God judges marriages by the hearts of the people. A marriage license doesn't honor God but having a clean heart--one free of bitterness, resentment,& unforgiveness--honors God. You are God's child before you are someone's spouse. God's number one priority will be you and the condition of your heart. God cannot use us when our hearts are hardened. That's why He permits divorce because of the hardening of people's hearts.

No one can tell you when to stay or when to leave but you already know the answer. Be true to yourself. Don't live a facade, you've been given life and you need to live it to its fullest.

Lust: The Opposite of Love

"If one wants another only for some self-satisfaction,...,that wrong desire takes the form of lust rather than love." Mortimer Adler
"Love...is not self-seeking." I Cor. 13:5(NIV)

I would like to take the time to introduce a new thought pattern concerning love and lust. We have been taught over the years that the opposite of love is hate. Love is defined as having a strong feeling or affection. Hate, contrarily, is having strong dislike or hostility. Nonetheless, let's broaden our scope on love beyond a feeling and see it as an action. How do we know the wind exists? We see its effects. Emotions are real yet we don't see them. People may have a plethora of emotions towards something or someone, but the proof thereof is in their actions. We know people love us because there is evidence.

Love and hate have become such watered down terms that sometimes people get them confused. The cliche goes "there's a thin line between love and hate". Why? Some people when offended or hurt respond in actions that portray hate, like hostility. So how can you tell if someone truly loves you if that same person turns around and purposely harms you in retaliation?

I believe a litmus test to discover if people truly loves you is how they respond when you hurt them, whether intentionally or unintentionally. A lot of people are in lust with people and not love. For the most part, we see lust solely in the context of a strong sexual desire or a strong desire, like the lust of money. Nonetheless, we should challenge ourselves to look at emotions with their end results or effects. Someone may lust after someone else's spouse or date, why? For their benefit whether it be sexual or emotional. People may lust after money or power, but why? For their benefit, no matter how they acquire it.

The Bible says love doesn't seek after itself, meaning it's not selfish. Let's define love and lust from the standpoints of their end results. Love seeks to sacrifice for someone else's benefit and lust seeks to benefit from someone else's sacrifice. In this context, the people who smear your name, fight you or damage your property because you had disagreements or decided to end relationships are more so distraught over losing whatever you sacrificed for their benefit. They are caught up in selfish, "if I can't have you or what I want, then you will suffer."

Love doesn't repay hurt for hurt. Love covers offenses not exposes them to the detriment of others for its justification or satisfaction. Love isn't arrogant and can admit wrongdoing. Love never fails and overcomes all challenges. There is no expiration date on love.

When entering relationships, we should question ourselves not what we can get out of them or what people can do for us...that would be taking on the perspective of self-serving, ergo lust. We should challenge ourselves to seek how we can benefit other people's lives. I always look to see what benefit I can be in people's lives and especially those I "love". When you love people who have grasped this same concept, you will find yourself in mutually beneficial relationships. If someone is off kilter, it doesn't mean you discard the relationship, you must readjust how you respond to them and recognize what emotion is driving their regard towards you, love or lust.

We can't tell people how to act but we can give them examples by the way we choose to act and respond.

Greater Trials Produce Greater Testimonies

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Ps. 30:5

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and a sound mind." 2 Tim. 1:7

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but God delivers him from them all." Ps. 34:19

It's not a matter of IF challenges will happen, they most definitely will especially when you are on the path to fulfilling your destiny. The greater your assignment or purpose in life, the greater the attacks, tests and tribulations that will come against you. Why are they coming against you? To shut you down. To make you lose focus. To seize your sound mind and ability to make good sound principle-based decisions. To make you rashly respond to external stimuli and run into a pit of destruction. To rob you of your joy, peace, love and faith which are accelerators that enable us to not only accomplish but to overcome all things. In valleys, sometimes it gets so dark, it's humanly impossible to see things right in front of our faces. That's when we have to rely solely on our faith in God and the promises in his Word, like He would never leave us or forsake.

The enemy of our faith will use his best weapons against us the closer we get to the next elevation in our lives, to stunt us or if at all possible make us abort our mission. He wants to disable our gifts and abilities to empower others and establish God's good bidding in the earth. He will use the people closest to us sometimes through situations or circumstances, to try to disable our thoughts and emotions through dark clouds of obscurity and confusion. Every minute of obscurity is a loss of 60 seconds of clarity. If he can get us confused then he can possibly move us off our course. When we are off course, we begin to see things around us in frustration and desperation. We can't tell the difference between a friend and a foe or right and wrong. We begin to respond to the world around us as if everything that happens, every encounter is yet a another sign of whatever is fueling our illogical thinking and reasoning. Sometimes we run to strange places in order to find refuge.

We should run to God. If you don't know where he is, just start running and believe me, he will meet you along the way. He will send someone to you with the word, the hug, the smile or the clarity that you need to get you back on track. They may even have to hold your hand for a part of the trek until you get the clarity back in your sensors.

Weeping MAY endure for a night but it doesn't have to. You can regain your joy at any time you so choose. Surround yourself with people who can bring you back to the light. The more Word you have in you, the quicker you will rebound from any trial, and rebound with a victorious mind!

Living Life With Purpose

"Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: A prophet to the nations—that's what I had in mind for you." Jer. 1:5 (The Message)

"Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son." Eph. 1:4-6 (The Message)

You are an unique piece of a puzzle that fits into the masterpiece of God's plan for this moment of existence. You are not a "being" of coincidence or happenstance, you were created on purpose with a purpose and for a purpose. Nonetheless, you are a free moral agent. You can choose your direction and your path. Once you connect with your Creator, you soon discover that although you have the freedom to do whatever you like, all things are not in your best interest. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. The deeper connection you have with God and submit to his plan for your life, you will soon discover that he orders your footsteps.

Life is simple, yet sometimes we allow it to become complicated. As we experience life, we begin to assume baggage we were not created to carry. We are not made to go through but to GROW through situations, circumstances and various experiences. Challenges shouldn't weaken us but make us stronger and build our testimony reservoir, which we then share with others for their encouragement and edification.

Whatever you are going through, grow through it, claim the victory, share your testimony and keep moving towards fulfilling your divine purpose.

Having A Victorious Attitude

An attitude is the way we think or feel. Our attitude is normally reflected in our actions and viewpoints. Most tests, trials and tribulations attack us primarily in our minds before they metastasize in the other areas of our lives. The Bible admonishes us to have the same mind (or attitude) as Christ. Through Christ, we know we are victorious in ALL things, yet we often forfeit this victorious life. A victorious attitude is a prerequisite to victorious living.

How We Forfeit a Victorious Attitude:
1. Focusing on the wrong things in our lives and losing sight of our goals and purpose.
2. Associating with the wrong people and allowing their thinking to contaminate ours.
3. Being full of fear which is false evidence that something we don't see will come to past.
4. Being consumed with stress and letting ours minds filter out peace and joy.
5. Inability to deal with change and therefore stunting our growth.
6. Taking our blessings forgranted and therefore limiting God's future provision in our lives.
7. Unwillingness to forgive and release past offenses and carrying them around.
8. Letting low self-esteem have a viral effect in our minds, hearts and spirits.

When we adopt the above, we take on a defeatist attitude. It manifests in our conversations and the way we look at our situations and circumstances. We say what we are going through "will last forever", "my whole life is ruin" and "this only happens to me". Yes, we start hosting pity parties. Nonetheless, self-pity is self-worship. You make yourself the focal point of all attention and you concentrate on your limited abilities and powers. You assert you are the only person who has done or experienced blah, blah. You make yourself a little bigger than the universe. Get over it and yourself.

How to Overcome a Defeatist Attitude:
1. Focus on the right things, things that are uplifting and beneficial to our goals and purpose.
2. Have close association with people who can uplift us and get us refocused on our paths.
3. Exercising our faith and stepping out beyond our comfort zones. Start speaking faith vs fear.
4. Bring peace and joy with us in every situation and circumstance.
5. Learn to grow through change, first changing our minds, speech and then actions.
6. Have a spirit of gratitude for both the small and great things and have a spirit of expectation.
7. Learn to forgive others and then release the emotions attached offenses. Don't carry baggage.
8. Have a healthy self-esteem, neither low nor lofty.

Once we readjust our thinking, then we can truly live each day in victory!

Bread or Stone...Which Would You Give?

"What man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?" Matthew 7:9

This question is supposed to be rhetorical but sadly to say in a lot of cases the answer would be yes. Let's examine this closer with a look at the words being used to broaden the application of this powerful scripture from the Bible.

This one-liner is taken from a passage in the Bible where the love is God is being metaphorically expressed in comparison to our love for our children. The point of the passage is, if we who are sinners know how to do "right" by our children, how much more should we expect of God, our Father and Creator.

Unfortunately, in this day and time, we cannot assume parents will do "right" by their children. For the sake of this blog, we will use the word "son" in a broader scope as someone with whom you have a relationship. This can be a relative, spouse, close friend, business partner or pastor. Basically someone who has value in your life.

The word "bread" means food. Food is a life sustaining necessity. Therefore "bread" in this passage could mean whatever is of vital importance to sustain life. This can be the life, vitality or longevity of a person, a relationship, organization, or anything where you are invested and connected.

Lastly, a "stone" being given in the place for bread. This would be utterly sardonic to give someone a stone when they are in need of bread. They cannot eat a stone. Nonetheless, thinking about the time period from which this scripture was written. Rendering a stone would not only be an insulting gesture but it could also be a dangerous or deadly gesture.

In biblical times, stones were used to kill people. Sometimes people were "stoned" to death. Let's think about this. Someone you're close to comes to you and asks you for something that may sustain life or the vitality of something, yet instead of giving them what is necessary, you give them give basically nothing. That very stone could be used as a weapon against you. We generally create our own outcomes by the way we think and treat others.

If we assume that the person who has asked you, authentically cares about you and decides to be the "better" person, you might not have to worry about them inflicting harm to you. Nonetheless, that stone might become the condition of their heart towards you. They asked you for life but in exchange you sowed death. That could be death of many things depending on the situation.

If you attend a church and the Pastor comes before you asking for bread (money) and in turn you give a stone (closed fist), you have just contributed to stunting the growth of that ministry. If your business partner asks you for bread (extra time, work, or capital) and in turn you give him a stone (excuses and lackadaisical attitude), then you are contributing to the failure of your business. If your spouse comes to asking you for bread (emotional transparency and communication) and in turn you give him (avoidance and resistance), you are contributing to the demise of your marriage.

It's easy to say we love people and are committed. Nonetheless, how much are you really willing to give to truly express love and commitment. There is no love without sacrifice.

In Love, We Usually Find Ourselves

The adage goes "opposites attract", and in a lot of cases this scientific theory can be applied to human relations. However, in most recent times, even scientific theories have been proven not to be absolute. Opposite gender, race and personalities and so forth may attract in general. On the other hand, when regarding human compatibility we take notice that it is usually those things that are opposite that can potentially detract from the relationship, especially when it comes to principles and general mindsets.

Differences can enhance a relationship especially when those differences are strengths where the other person has challenges. If a person is impetuous, they can benefit a lot from a person who has more patience and temperance. However, when it comes to the rudimentary components of life and what people adhere to their core belief systems and standards of living, antagonism is not a match but an annoyance.

God created us in His image. Why was it necessary to create man? Perhaps, He wanted an intimate relationship, someone he could be in love with and someone who could choose to love him back. Therefore, God created a being that reflects himself because He loves himself. God is love. If you love yourself, then what better person to love and spend your life with then someone who reflects you. It would appear easier to live in harmony with such a person.

This does not mean we have to be identical, but perhaps of the same basic makeup and element. This gives weight to the adages of "iron sharpening iron" (like element) or "how can two walk together unless they agree" (mindsets, beliefs, temperaments). Since no two people are clones, where both are individually challenged, perhaps they may strengthen each other or at least be able to understand one another. Where one might lack knowledge or wherewithall, the other may balance that. When people are of different dispositions sometimes they have a difficult time empathizing with why a person thinks or acts the way he does.

When considering marriage and becoming "one" with someone, it would seem we would want someone who fits. When doing an organ transplant, a person is acquiring a vital organ from someone else and he's going to live with that organ for the rest of his life. Nonetheless, a very crucial procedure is administered before this life-saving procedure can be done, a compatibility test. Does the blood type match? The parties must have the same blood, if not, the vital organ cannot and will not thrive. Therefore, this limits who can be qualified donors.

This same logic can be applied to finding a partner or mate with whom to spend the rest of our lives. Someone who has the same "blood". Someone where the vital essence of who we are is compatible and not rejected. Someone who's mental, intellectual, spiritual and/or emotional DNA is like ours. All the other commonplaces in life like, jobs, education, hobbies and personal interests can vary, similar interests and areas of enjoyment can serve as enhancements. The person does not have to be a clone but perhaps a mere reflection. Areas where they differ, it should add and not subtract from the relationship.

If we explored this thought, then perhaps it unlocks the key as to why people "fall in love" with who they do. At whatever phases we find ourselves in our development and evolution as a people, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, we are perhaps more drawn to those who reflect us at those stages. Sometimes this is good and sometimes it is not. If you keep falling in love with a certain "type" of person, look at where you are in life and what you are emanating.

People usually keep company with like-minded people. If you see mediocrity in your life then perhaps, I can almost guarantee, you are not only surrounding yourself with mediocre people but somehow you have fallen into the snare of mediocrity yourself. Mediocrity is easily viewed in a person's life because it produces stagnation and stunts growth, it lacks the fruit of progression and ambition. Nonethless, if you know that's not who you are, you will probably fall in love with someone who you see a "true reflection" of who you see yourself as. We can love endless amounts of people but we generally don't fall in love as easily. Being in love has "staying power".

Sometimes people may say, "why do I keep attracting crazy people?" Perhaps, there's something you're emanating that says that you have toleration for crazy people or that you are crazy yourself. (smile) If you look at your dating resume and if you see common trends then perhaps that's what you're emanating or you are just following the basic scientific theory of opposites attract. If you place value on things such as education, self-improvement, family, spirituality, you will probably be attracted to people who share those values.

People, I believe, want to live in harmony. If you are not at harmony with yourself then perhaps you are attracting people of the same spirit. If you are needy perhaps you are attracting needy people. If you have an ill attitude and unrelenting baggage from your past perhaps you are attracting the same. We create most of the drama in our lives by the way we handle people and process our own emotions and thoughts.

This is not to say that "falling in love" can be put into some "absolute" irrefutable theory. We love who we love, we don't have to rationalize it or explain it. However, isn't it interesting to think that perhaps who we are "in love "with is a direct reflection of ourselves? Sometimes we can search the world to find that which is compatible to us, and when we return to our starting place, we are looking right back at ourselves. God sees his reflection in who he chose to love, us. The same can apply to husband to wife, parent to child and friend to friend. In love, we usually find ourselves and the first love is self love. That's how we survive.

Loving A Stranger

The world mourns the death of a 20th and 21st century iconographic musical and entertainment genius, Michael Jackson. Death, whether sudden or expected, is always a tough reality to accept. Nonetheless, it's an inevitable part of a gift we have called life.

There are millions who are mourning the death of a man they never met. They are crying tears around the globe and saluting him because he touched their lives. He touched their lives with his pursuit of his passion, music. When we are born, we are born with gifts and talents. Some of us have the opportunity of sharing those with hundreds, thousands or millions of people. Whatever the case, our gifts to the world are mere extensions of us. Good fruit comes good trees, yet trees do get worn and torn from the hardships of life.

There are millions right now who can say they "love" this passing icon. Why love "just an entertainer"? Why love anyone for that fact? Why love a man who had what seems so much "baggage"? It wasn't his baggage that made us dance, sing or rejoice, it was his gifts. We love just because it's God nature on the inside of us. We are made in the image and likeness of God. God is love. We don't need someone to teach us how to love, it's embedded in our spiritual DNA. We can love "strangers" because their gifts and talents have blessed us, made us happy, made us smile, sparked good memories, encouraged us during a rough episode in our lives, exhorted us past our present and gave us hope for our tomorrow.

Love isn't deep, we make it deep. Can we love flawed beings? Everyone born is flawed, our parents, teachers, ministers, friends, politicians and etc. Charisma, gifts or talents doesn't make them deities of perfection. God created flawed beings that he would love. He loves us everyday regardless of, just because. Although we may have insights to a person's vices, flaws, indiscretions, weaknesses, brokenness, or sins, doesn't mean we can't love them. Love doesn't need permission. Love says, "I know you are an imperfect being, yet and still, I can look beyond that and still say I love you."

Intuition is a Powerful Resource

Intuition is the act of knowing or sensing something without using rational processes, a sense of something deducible although not proven as fact. Intuition is discerning the truth about something without knowing the play-by-play details. In layman terms, intuition is our "gut feeling". Sometimes it's wrong but a lot of times it's right. Both men and women have it, but it seems to more denominate in those who are keen to detail and very aware of their environments. Women, by nature, are "gatherers", gathering general information (details). Men, on the other hand, are "hunters", focusing on specific information (headliners). Nonetheless, we both have the abilities to perceive and discern.

Sometimes, we allow our emotions to cloud our better judgment for various reasons. We want to see and believe the best. Nonetheless, life is a cycle of patterns and once you see a pattern being established, turn on your "amber" alert. It's time to proceed with caution. Whatever is your natural proclivity to do, put the brakes on. If you are a generous person, be circumspect about what you are giving and to whom you are giving. People don't really mean any harm but by nature are self-serving. If they see something good that can benefit them, they will jump on it. Nonetheless, this can be imprudent behavior and once a person has marred someone's opinion, it's hard to reverse.

Once we sit, watch and intake various situations and circumstances, we will learn more about people than their words and actions could ever express about them. People are living books and become easy to read the more time you spend with them. Some people are constantly processing the world through the visual. They can channel what they hear but fine tune what they see in living-color. It's almost like being able to read people's minds and motives.

Once you sense something from the onstart nip it in the bud, it's easier done in the beginning. Nonetheless, if you get in deeper and still see something is going to potentially hurt you or others, you can, with a more concerted effort, still be victorious. Never become a victim, you can have victory in every situation. Kindness is a virtue, don't let someone exploit your kindness as a weakness and then leave you full of bitterness. Intuition, I am convinced is a powerful resource and gift from God. Use it as much as possible so you can sharpen your skills. Not only will you be blessed but others in your life as well.

Fathers Are Nurturers Too!

I would like to take this opportunity to salute all fathers who are their children’s DAD. Any male with reproductive organs can procreate a child; it’s biological. That's the easiest part. Now the real work comes with fathering or what I will call "being a Dad". Dads nurture their children. The process of nurturing children is not biological. Anyone can nurture a child whether they are his offspring or not. To nurture crosses many verticals in life like social, spiritual, financial, intellectual and emotional.

Some believe that men don’t know how to nurture or are incapable. This is a misnomer. God, our Father, is the ultimate Nurturer. He created male kind with unlimited abilities that reflect His nature. To nurture by definition means: to feed and protect, to support and encourage during the period of training and development, to bring up, rearing. I am blessed with a wonderful example of a father's ability to nurture. My Dad raised me, single-handedly, from the age of 5 months old.

Although this is a rarity, there are many men who are nuturing their children and perhaps someone else's, whether they are single, married or divorced. During the month of May, never-ending showers of accolades are given to mothers everywhere for what they do and who they are in their children's lives. I am a mother of two and I thoroughly enjoy that celebratory occasion. I find it very encouraging and rewarding. Nonetheless, a mother's love is not greater than a father's love, maybe expressed differently but not superior. We all should strive to have God's kind of love, Agape. Agape love is unconditional. Agape says "I love you" regardless...

In the Bible, we have countless examples of God's, the Father's, love and also other great men. I want to tell you today, those same great men exist today. I see them all around me. There is none who has mastered perfect parenting except for God, but there are those who strive towards being the best examples they can be for their children .

Here are 35 things I learned from my Dad as a woman:

1. How to be a person of more actions and less words
2. How to provide for myself and be provided for
3. How to aim high with faith in God's ability to see me through
4. How to accomplish without excuses or hindrances
5. How to submit to and respect authority
6. How to prioritize my goals and plans in life
7. How to love God, myself and others
8. How to act like a "Lady"
9. How to defend myself from broken people
10. How to be my children's number one advocate
11. How to express my ideas and beliefs
12. How to be grounded and principled
13. The importance of a "good name", from credit to reputation
14. How to say "I'm sorry"
15. How to allow myself room to grow throughout life
16. How to never cease learning
17. How to have my own fashion sense and style
18. How to be equipped for all seasons
19. How to be domesticated, cook, clean, change a tire, decorate, be a handyman
20. How to give and what to give
21. What value I have and what not to accept
22. How to be loyal, regardless of fault or blame
23. How to be quiet
24. When to speak up
25. How to not to be needy for others' acceptance
26. How to delay not deny gratification
27. How to be an example for my children
28. How to lead and when to follow
29. How to discern others motives towards me
30. How to enjoy life
31. How to appreciate things and people
32. How protect my children
33. How to be content whether I'm abase or abound
34. How to bounce back
35. How to be logical and rationalize

Your Time Is Now

God is methodical and strategic. He doesn't just hap hazardously do anything. When studying the Bible, one must pay close attention to the number sequencing of his methods. This is not to say to worship numbers, order and sequence but to know and understand that God has precise timing and an ordering system.

With this knowledge, we can move forth from the misnomer that we are just living day-to-day on our own time. We have plans and goals and these are great tools to make better use of your time. Nevertheless, we have to realize that every moment we live is precious. It is a gift from God and we have to be good stewards of ALL that God gives us.

Sometimes when we pray and cry out to God for deliverance, provision, clarity and etc...we most often times don't see the instantaneous manifestations of his answers. Yet, trust and believe, he has heard your cries, pleas and supplications. He answered you before you even asked, just like he architected the plan for salvation through Christ before the foundations of the Earth were created, yes before we sinned. When he created us and he knew us even in our mothers' wombs. He knew our personalities, temperaments, abilities, and talents before a piece of paper stamped our birth date.

We have to develop a sensitivity to God's prompting and to know when he has manifested the answers to our prayers. We ask for a lot, yet and still, at times, we aren't aware when he has answered. Perhaps, we don't quite like his answer because it goes against the grain in us, it exposes us and shows where we need some tweaking, or the timing is in conflict with our plans or what we have going on. God's blessings are fail-proof. If God is guiding you into a certain direction, then believe that he also has provision awaiting you there. Sometimes we hinder the manifestations of the fulfillment of our answered prayers by:

1. Being Disobedient to The Word of God- God has standards and procedures and they are expressed in His Word. When we go against them, we won't be necessarily denied because God is faithful and just to forgive IF we repent, but things can be delayed.

2. Being Full of Fear- Fear immobilizes because it's weighed down by caveats of uncertainty, conjecture, presumptions of failure or things not working out for your good.

3. Holding Past Baggage-Sometimes we have wounds that haven't healed from our pasts. God is a healer. He requires for us to be whole, but we are going to have to drop any emotional, mental or behavioral baggage from the past. When wounds have healed they often leave scars. Scars are great icebreakers for you sharing your testimony of how you survived and grew. Nonetheless, active or dormant wounds mean that there is still pain there. It needs to be fully exposed so you can heal, yet we can't heal alone. We must put ourselves in environments and situations in which we allow the healing process to take place.

4. Not Prepared to Receive-We pray to God because we innately believe that he will hear us and answer us. However as time goes on , we get complacent in our day-to-day existence and sometimes forget that we have to do ALL we can do. We have to prepare ourselves. To some this might be working on finances, going back to school, relocating, rearranging priorities, redefining relationships, fine tuning your spiritual man and etc...It's important to be prepared because "what if" God's manifestations to your prayers appear tomorrow, will you be ready to receive them it to their fullest or will things be out of order? If it is the latter, that will cause strain and delay you from fully whole-heartedly enjoying your answered prayers.

5. Responding Carnally to Spiritual Attacks- Anything that is of God and according to His purpose is going to have some kind of internal or external challenges. Nonetheless, watch where or who you run to when problems arise. We have to kill bad thoughts, behavior and habits. We have to watch how we respond and be prepared to make adjustments within ourselves.

6. Not Willing to Sacrifice- We have to be able to sacrifice that which cost us something. This may manifest in our possessions, relationships, money, activities or etc...This is going to hurt but the reward is going to be greater than the pain.

Once we have identified what our painpoints are...then correct them NOW! Not a year from now, months from now, but right NOW. The more we continuously sow towards a thing, the more we will reap the harvest thereof. This applies for both good and bad things. I consider myself a "good" planner and sometimes I plan myself through transitions as far as a year or two out from something actually occurring BUT when God's spirit quickens me, I have learned to move.

To some your good and perfect gifts are there waiting to be manifested and to others they have manifested. You have your plan and your timing and God has his. Even within our best attempt, we cannot outdo God when it comes to orchestrating that which would empower and prosper our lives. We cannot allow ourselves to be worldly, moving back and forth in our emotions...we have to stand on God's Word and the revelation knowledge he has given us about himself, how he operates and what he has for us.

It's not a question of "if" God answered your prayers...it's a question of "when" are you going to embrace his answers! Do it now!

Storms Come, Yet & Still We Remain

"Many evils confront the (consistently) righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all" Ps. 34:19

Life is a summation of challenges and victories, valleys and peaks! It doesn't matter how many challenges you overcome, you have to realize that there will always be more. Don't be discouraged or fretful that you have challenges, obstacles and storms that are trying to prevail against you. This is a natural part of life, especially when you know who you are in Christ. The road of least resistance is probably an indicator you are traveling down the wrong road. Yet every challenge can produce great victories! Stay out loud, "This storm WILL pass and I WILL be the standing". Victory is always available, just grab hold to it!

We shouldn't be as nearly concerned with the challenges and catastrophic events that occur in our lives, but more so our responses to them. It is within our response, that our faith is developed and matured, that our testimonies are birthed. Faith boldly speaks to the "present and future" with the assurance and knowledge of the "past". We have faith in God because of what he has done. Since he has intervened before, why should he not again? God is stable and constant, he is not like man, forever wavering in his emotions towards us. He loves us now, even though he knows what we will do tomorrow. This is an empowering assurance which should prompt us to step up to the storms in our lives and rebuke them. We may not be able to stop them from rising up against us, but we can take dominion over them once they come!

You Deserve To Know...

You deserve to know that you are loved,

that if you left this world tomorrow

someone's heart would have a missing plug.

You deserve to know that you are forgiven,

that you don't have a patent on making mistakes

but life goes on and you're only going to get better with time.

You deserve to know that happiness is available to you,

it's not a destination but a mindset and

you should take it wherever you go.

You deserve to know that you are set free,

you are not held hostage to anything past or present,

as long as you have a choice, choose life

and live it to the fullest.

You deserve to know that you make a difference in this world,

you are a gift so special to the world,

that God thought it couldn't do without you.

We Are God's Hands

I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. ~King David, the Psalmist (NIV)

I once was young, now I'm a graybeard— not once have I seen an abandoned believer, or his kids out roaming the streets. Every day he's out giving and lending, his children making him proud.~King David, the Psalmist (The Message)

I have heard this passage of scripture for over 20 years used as an affirmation, positive profession of God's provision in the lives of his children, us the believers. It can and should continue to be bookmarked into every believer's psyche the unrelenting characteristics of God's love, provision and protection for those who believe in him and on him.

In addition to that, we have a responsibility. King David in this passage was not prophesying or making a positive profession. He was remarking on what he had seen with his own eyes. He is saying during the course of his life, from a boy until his more seasoned age, he had not witnessed God forsaking his own or their children. He never witnessed a believer standing outside with a sign reading "Will Beg for Bread".

Why? Because believers were doing their parts to support one another. God uses people, every day, all day to bless others. Bottom line! He gives us preferential standing, called favor, and with it comes provision, protection and opportunities to excel. We are his hands and feet in the Earth. When we see someone that God has placed in our circle of life in need, they should not have to beg. We are vessels of provision for them.

Seasons change in life. There will be seasons of plenty and seasons of lack. We must sow seeds during our seasons of plenty so that when our seasons of lack come, we won't be affected because we will be reaping our harvests from what we have already sown. I'm sure that King David did his part as king, citizen and believer.

Let this scripture not just be an affirmation used to profess God's provision in someone's life or your own. Let it be a call to action, a call to duty. To whom much is given, much is likewise required.

The Bill of Rights of Love

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."--Aristotle

"Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love."--Erich Fromm

One of the most dynamic emotions one will experience in his/her lifetime is love. There are varying experiences and degrees of love but an intimate lifelong love between two souls appears to be the most coveted. At first glance it doesn't seem very hard to achieve in a world full of incredible people. Nonetheless, that type of love is a rare commodity. It cannot be substituted or mistaken.

Love has to go beyond an emotion because we as humans can learn in time how to control our emotions, turn them on and off. Love has to become an atmosphere and environment experienced mind, body and soul. If it is left in the emotional realm then sometimes you will feel it and sometimes you won't. Love isn't schizophrenic and doesn't alter itself due to external stimuli. You're not in love with someone and meet someone the next day and now your love is in question. You're not in love with someone but don't demonstrate it in words, deeds and actions. With this kind of love comes commitment and responsibility. If you aren't giving or receiving both then you really need to step back and re-examine the relationship.

You are a gift from God and you deserve to be treated as such. Different people like different things. You're not a gift to everyone but to that someone special. There is someone's life you fit into perfectly, and you both know it and feel it. If only you feel it, then don't try to make a square peg fit into a circle.

In this phenomenal experience there are things we all have a right to know and feel. Here are a few:

1. You have the right to know you are irreplaceable and that you have an immeasurable value.

2. You have the right to know come hell or hot water you will have someone that has your back.

3. You have a right to know that even if your worst secrets were exposed that someone else's love would cover you.

4. You have a right to know that what you share is consistent and doesn't fluctuate with moods, circumstances and opinions.

5. You have a right to know that in a world full of beautiful people that someone thinks you are the most beautiful, from the inside out.

6. You have a right to know that if you died tomorrow that although life goes on, someone's life would be filled with an emptiness that only you can fill.

7. You have a right to hear the words "I love you" as well as to see them in action.

8. You have a right to feel safe and secure and not threaten or disregarded.

9. You have a right to feel that there are no mountains or valleys that can prevail against your love.

10. You have a right to feel you are respected and admired above all others.

All of the above, are not just for you but also for the other person with whom you are in love. Love is a never-ending ring of reciprocity. If there is no reciprocity then something is broken and it will hinder you from experiencing the entirety of love and its overwhelming benefits.

Almost seems like a tough order to fill. That's where faith and patience come in. Sometimes we settle for less and see what we want to see because of the loneliness and desires in our lives. Sometimes we experience the "it seems to good to be true" moments. When all the infatuation smoke clears then we are left with a substance. This substance can either be broken in time or withstand the tests of time. Only you know the answer...but in whatever road you choose, just remember your love rights.

Turbulence Before Your Arrival

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.~Rosa Parks

FEAR is an acronym in the English language for "False Evidence Appearing Real."~Neale Donald Walsch

Throughout life, we travel to and from various destinations. We methodically plan our itineraries including but no limited to our destinations, departures, arrivals and even our points of interests or attractions.

Just imagine, you have prepared for a well-deserved trip. You've packed. Made it to the airport on time, through security and now safely on your plane. The plane takes off on time and now only time separates you and your destination. Then suddenly without warning the plane starts swaggering and dipping into pockets of air. I don't care how many times you experience this atmospheric phenomenon...it's still a daunting feeling or thought of "what if".

Nonetheless, as we become more seasoned travellers we learn how to calm ourselves and comfort ourselves that we have gone through turbulence before. It's a part of nature and we will make it to our destination safely.

Well the same parallel applies to life. In life, we learn that we are in charge of our paths and final destinations by the choices and decisions we execute. Based on this simple paradigm, we learn to attach plans, expectations and timelines with the accomplishment of these goals. We prepare and open ourselves to the thought that we can have that which we pursue and purpose in our hearts.

Well, just like in air travel, sometimes turbulence comes in our lives. Sometimes mildly and sometimes severely. The thoughts of "what if" begin to occupy a place where expectations mixed with faith reside. We somehow lose focus on the simple fact that "turbulence" is natural. Turbulence is a sign that there is a disturbance in the atmosphere of your life. Why? Because you are getting closer to your destination and the enemy of your faith wants to sidetrack you. You are entering into a place where by all means it seems you don't belong. Chaotic clouds are amassing all around to blur your vision. Get you off focus...fill your faith heart valves with fear. Make you literally lose your mind.

The more you travel, the more turbulence you are likely to experience. The same is true in life. The greater your assignment and purpose the more turbulence you will experience. Fret not. When you are experiencing turbulence at your job, in your relationships, in your health, in your finances, in your self-esteem...remember that you've made it beyond this point before. Remember at the other side of this momentary turbulence is your destination and you will arrive! Not only will you arrive just fine but you will be empowered to go on to even greater destinations!

You Are Beautiful

"Beauty is a summation of the parts working together in such a way that nothing is needed to be added, taken away or altered."~Elio Carletti

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! "~Psalms 139:14 The Message

When God created us he saw beauty. Why? He saw a reflection of himself. We have to learn how to see ourselves and others the same way God sees us. When we take this perspective in life it empowers us to traverse over certain humps and speed bumps that would attempt to hinder our progress.

Of course it's appeasing to see a beautiful face yet it is just as equally or if not even more rewarding to see a beautiful soul. Just like people take measures to enhance or beautify their outer images, we can also take steps to enhance our inner selves.

Here are some simple keys to beautifying your internal image:

1. Proper Diet. Yes, watch what you are allowing yourself to hear and ingest into your psyche. Words are spirit. They can be mercenaries of death or nurses of life. Aim to live a life of moderation and not of over-indulgence. How do you know what is inside of people? Listen to what they are saying and how they are rationalizing.

2. Daily Exercise. Challenge yourself to grow and mature in your mental, emotional and spiritual growth. Increase not only knowledge but applicable application. Learn to extract that which is beneficial and uplifting out of every situation and circumstance. Increase your faith muscles by using them. Build patience by learning to endure that which leads you closer to God's promises in your life.

3. Good Hygiene. Get rid of all stinking thinking. Release grudges, malice, bitterness, and resentment. The longer you harbor these viruses, they will corrupt your thoughts processes and eventually your hard-drive...your heart. Rinse and purge all those things which would have you bound and debilitate your spirit from being loving, kind and carefree.

4. Makeup. We normally view makeup as an agent that covers that which is flawed versus enhancing that which is already beautiful. A house can be beautiful before you decorate it but it can be even more appealing and inviting when it is decorated from top to bottom. Think of yourself as a house. You have many rooms: your intellect, emotions, talents, and etc. Enhance yourself to improve upon those things. A smile is makeup to our emotions. Yes, things will happen to derail us off our "A-game", but we have an innate ability called choice. We can choose to let the external world control us or we can control ourselves. Bring joy, peace and happiness with you and put them on regardless of whatever happens.


As you live, you will encounter enough ugliness in the world, therefore resolve from this day forward to bring beauty with you wherever you go.

Releasing Crutches

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”~Anon

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”~Anon

"... this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before~Philippians 3:13

A crutch is a support used to assist the physically injured or disabled. Normally crutches are temporary fixtures in the injured's life. We, usually in time with healing and/or therapy, regain normalcy. Those who do not heal, remain disabled and eventually move into a more permanent confining support fixture like a wheelchair.

Some physical illustrations of life can be aptly applied to the spiritual side of life. We experience various traumas throughout our journey. We may consequently become injured, yet we still have to meander through life's labyrinth. However, sometimes we mask our emotional injuries while secretly carrying crutches that assist us in making sense of questions like "how" and "why" certain things have transpired in our lives. Sometimes we hide emotional traumas and injuries because we do not want to perceived as weak, incapable, inadequate or inferior. We do not want to identify with that which we have shunned and/or harshly judged in others. We want to be identified as strong, because we have an embedded creed in our psyche that "only the strong survive."

Very rarely will you encounter a person who hasn't gone through some type of pain, disappointment or trauma. It's called living. The problem is when we believe we have a patent or trademark to these negative experiences. Another serious problem is when we use the "past" to justify our ill-decisions and choices we are making in the "present". Yes, we get hurt either by others' doing or our own. Some pain is extremely devastating. Coupled to the aforementioned, we have been taught "time heals all wounds". This is a farce.

If a physical wound is not treated, infections like gangrene can set in. Slowly gangrene kills all the cells in that which was once healthy and viable until amputation is the only remedy. Well, the same applies spiritually. Just because we can rebound from offenses and traumas doesn't mean that we have recovered. Perhaps we are holding onto emotional crutches that are masking our inability to truly walk through our valleys. Without these emotional crutches, others would see the pain we are in. They would see we are infected with pain, unforgiveness, resentment, malice, bitterness, envy, strife, low self-esteem, and apathy which over time untreated begin to metastasize throughout our spiritual tissues and decaying our hearts and minds.

Have you heard others or even yourself rationalize their current predicaments, attitudes or vices.

"I was in a bad relationship..."
"My childhood was messed up..."
"My parents divorced..."
"My parent wasn't there for me..."
"I have been stabbed in the back..."
"I have been used and abused..."
"Someone special disappointed me..."
"Someone I admired failed to live up to the image..."
"Someone hurt me..."
"I have done some terrible things..."
"No one told me the right things to do..."
"I didn't apply myself..."
"My family hurt me..."
"My spouse left me..."
"My parent was physically abusive..."
"My parent was an alcoholic..."
"I didn't have a role model..."
"My parents decisions hurt me and affected my life..."
"People at the church let me down..."
"I failed..."

And the list goes on...Why are these emotional crutches? They identify that something has injured us. They also explain why we respond or express ourselves the way we do. Nonetheless, how long do we hold onto these things. Is holding onto them helping us to heal or crippling us?

When we don't deal with them and release them, they cripple us. They cripple us in our minds, bodies and souls. One of our goals in life should be "wholeness". We consume a lot of time exhibiting portraits of "wholeness" through our outer appearances and statuses yet we cannot be "divided" and be "whole". We have to, at some point, put as much or even more interest in being healthy in our minds and spirits. We have to purge the toxins of excuses and proactively pursue healthy perspectives concerning our past, present and future.

Whatever we went through, we cannot change it, therefore we must release it. A lot of things we persevered through were necessary. They allowed us to obtain a testimony in order to bear witness to others, that they too can be triumphant over any situation or circumstance. In these instances, we cannot hold unto crutches, we must release them so we can grab others' hands and help them through their valleys.

Who Do You Turn To?

Sometimes we encounter gray seasons or moments on our journey, when our vision and/or direction aren't as pristine and concise as we would like. We ponder what our next moves should be.

Questions may flood our minds in various situations and circumstances, like:
"Should I leave or stay?"
"Which way should I go?"
"Is this right or wrong?"
"How long will this last?"

These questions can cross the verticals of life like career, relationships, school, church and etc.

Sometimes we turn to others for counsel, wisdom and insight. That is a wise and prudent thing to do, but be discerning from whom you receive counsel. People's judgement is based off of their limited knowledge and experiences. That's why the Bible advocates to a get a multitude of counsel. Sometimes people become full of scorn and cyncism, and their advice is reeking with the poisons of ignorance, intolerance, unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, malice, prejudice and stoicism.

When considering who are qualified candidates to give you an extra set of eyes while you travel through the foggy areas of life, make sure they are principle-centered people. Principle-centered people most often won't be spellbound by the "norm du jour"- whatever the popular opinion or practice of the day/moment is.

Also no one person but God is qualified to give you good and fitting counsel in area minuet facet of your life. Nonetheless, a lot of people know of God but are not familiar with his voice, leading or character, so that leaves a vast amount of people having to rely on other mortal flawed beings, like themselves.

When seeking advice, catalog the people in your life by their proven areas of expertise. Sometimes this may good or bad areas. Would you go to a destitute friend with financial stewardship questions? You can go to a broke friend to find out what not to do and a wealthy friend, to find out what to do.

A simple rule, from whomever you are receiving advice, ask yourself, "Would I change places with this person?" Do they have something you want or need. In the Bible, Elisha wanted a double portion of Elijah's annointing. He didn't want his cowardice or melancholy disposition. He saw that which was of God, and that one thing he sought diligently after.

When you want parenting advice go to someone whom you respect their parenting style and the fruit of their labor--their children. When I consider asking someone for advice concerning my children, I look at their children. The bottomline, their children are the by-products of their thoughts and practices. I say to myself, "Do I want my children to be like theirs?" This actually limits the qualified people I would seek after for parenting advice.

When I want financial advice, I look at those in my life who have a proven track record of financial prudence and stewardship. This is not to stay people won't hit rock bottom sometimes but is that their pattern? I have had my credit score hit near zero and now almost 800. It's not where you fall, it's where you stay in life. I listen to experts and friends and ultimately God's spirit on the inside of me. Sometimes His spirit will take you totally opposite of what everyone else is telling you.

In dense foggy areas of life, we must be discerning of whom we're listening to, because in the fog could be an iceberg right in front of us or an avalanche above us. Each step we take while navigating in darkness is crucial.

Seed Your Need

"When you want apples, plant apple seeds. Then harvest your apples and take their seeds and plant more apples. That's abundant living."~DD Jewell

"As long as the earth remains, seedtime and harvest will continue." ~Genesis 8:22

Nature has so many parallels to the human experience. One of the most simple parallels is seedtime and harvest, from it births a universal law (or principle) called reciprocity. Some call it Karma, others say, "what goes around comes around", "you reap what you sow", or "you get what you give." It has been coined different ways but its meaning remains the same, we produce our realities by what we do.

When a farmer wants a potato, he must plant potato seeds. If a farmer want apples, he must plant apple seeds. Take notice that depending on what you want, the sowing and harvesting times will vary. No one plants an apple tree and reap it's fruit in a couple weeks, months or even a year. You can plant tomato seeds and in a couple of month have wonderful tomatoes. Nonetheless, you shouldn't sow what you need when you desperately need it; you sow it BEFORE you need it. If I wanted to make tomato soup, I wouldn't go outside and plant tomato seeds and expect natural laws to forfeit their timing for my needs or desires to have tomato soup tonight or tomorrow.

In this analogy, see yourself as a farmer (sower) and life as your soil. The same is true in life. Reciprocity is a never ending cycle of sowing and reaping. Whatsoever you continuously sow, that will you continuously reap. You can't do it once or twice and abandon it. People are famous for saying "I tried this or that and it didn't work". Did it not work or did you not work it consistently? If you want money, sow money. If you want love, sow love. If you want blessings, be a blessing. If you want peace, bring peace. If you want good health, sow good health practices and habits into yourself. If you never want to be without something make sure you constantly sow it.

This universal law of Reciprocity works for all, whether a believer or non-believer, because God establisehed it and he created us all. If an atheist sows money (invests wisely), the atheist will reap wealth. If a believer sows financial recklessness, then the believer will reap financial calamity.

Things we must consider when trying to optimize our harvests:

1. We must have seeds to sow (talent, time, money, resources, etc)

2. We have to diligently find (research) good ground to sow into. All ground (people and/or entities) aren't good and may be hard or full of weeds and will kill your seed. Also consider yourself as good ground to sow into.

3. We must do our due diligence and cultivate the soil we are sowing into.

4. We must endure the season of "wait" with active faith trusting that we will reap our harvests at the appointed time yet also sowing more seeds into other grounds.

5. We have to reap our harvest, take the fruit and sow the seeds back into the ground.

This is a never-ending cycle. We have to choose to sow because that makes room in our lives to receive. If you are full of wants and desires, release them and fill yourself up with seeds. Fill yourself with ideas and ways you can sow into the lives of others. While you are actively pursuing that, before you know, blessings will overtake you.

Love With No Small Print

"The most beautiful words I have heard in my 36 years are... I love you just as you are."~ DD Jewell

The mere words "I love you" have lost their potency because of the unspoken conditions attached to them. Within these conditions lie a large gray area of discrepancies between which intentions and/or actions personify love. People are quick to profess their love but slow to demonstrate it. For those who may demonstrate it, they may have "expiration" dates to their "love". These expiration dates are in the "small print", the conditions. Those conditions are connected to their pleasures, displeasures, acceptance, rejection, approval and disapproval.

-I love you if you do or be who I need you to be.
-I love you as long as you are a source of happiness for me.
-I love you as long as things go my way and you accept my terms, demands, likes and dislikes.
-I love you as long as you look a certain way.
-I love you as long as that love doesn't cost me anything or doesn't inconvenience me.
-I love you as long as I don't have to be accountable or responsible to you for my actions, words and deeds.

Most people's love towards others is indeed self-serving versus self-sacrificing. The bottom line is what can they get out of you versus what can they do for you. When I look at a person from the budding of a potential relationship, I ask myself, "how can I be a blessing or of benefit to this person's life?"

What a beautiful feeling to know the expressed and demonstrated certainty of someone's love. We see this expressed from God towards us and most parents towards their children. How wonderfully reassuring it is for someone to see you, in your entirety-the good, bad and ugly- and say "I love you as you are". This translates to acceptance and freedom.

When you accept someone you allow them to be free to be themselves. Of course, this doesn't mean tolerating junk, garbage and foolishness. We must have standards and live principle-centered lives. Yet, in doing so, we must give "grace and mercy" to others because that they are like us, imperfect.

We all have some more growing and maturing to do. Nevertheless, isn't it comforting to know that if we never reach the actualization of all our ambitions, dreams and prayers, we have people whose love for us is constant and unwavering. That's the kind of love we need and the kind we should seed. For the people I have chosen to love (yes, love is a choice), I've looked beyond their exteriors and saw their interiors. I saw souls that I could love with no conditions and/or expiration dates.

What corrupts the unconditional love covenant is disclosure and transparency. Sometimes opportunists mask who they really are and manipulate you into believing a farce. Love is a choice and we have to KNOW who it is we are choosing to love. Sometimes our intuition or discernment discloses the truth but we ignore the signs. Sometimes we choose to have faith in what is presented before us or innately adopt the theory that we can change people.

Not everyone who comes across our paths is a qualified or equally yoked candidate for "unconditional love." God bestows that kind of love to all of us because we belong to him. Nonetheless, we have to choose Him to be full recipients of that love. Just like we have to choose to love, embrace and accept God, we have to do likewise with others. We have to watch as well as pray for those who are in our lives, both entering and exiting.

Embrace Change

"One of the toughest things for most people to change is their minds."~DD Jewell

As soon as most people hear the word "change", they attach a negative connotation to it. Change can simply mean something new and/or altered. Nonetheless, we are beings of routine and habit. We nestle ourselves in the comfort of familiarity. Sometimes this is good but sometimes this is bad.

Most often within the invisible confinements of familiarity, we breed lethargic and complacent mentalities. Change means a call to action, yes "work". This work may entail us starting from ground zero all over again or slight modifications and tweaking. Regardless, that means we are going to be required to expend precious commodities like time and energy.

When you see yourself at a stale-mate in life, it's time to make some changes. These changes can range over a gamut of areas. Here are just a few to consider.

1. Relationships: We attract who we are in a lot of cases. If you don't like the pool of people you are attracting, then change that which is within you (attitude or behavior) that attracts them. Who we allow in our lives influence us more than we may give credit. We have to detach ourselves from negative relationships. We cannot continue to make excuses as to why we keep these people in our lives. Going forth, we have to free up that real estate and make room for people who are assigned to our destinies. Some people postured themselves as flowers in our lives but are truly weeds. They are choking the life out of our beautiful gardens and our potential to flourish. We have to kill the weeds and till our soil. There was something that attracted those weeds to us. We must unearth it and change it!

2.Careers: Some people love what they do. Nonetheless a lot of people wake up every day to the reality that they are financially yoked to a job/career which brings them little to no satisfaction. To give your time and talents to something that you don't love is called "work". It's a painstaking effort. When you do what you have passion for, it's not work, it's your calling. You may have degrees or training in a certain field or what you're passionate about might be low-paying or risky. Stop hiding behind the hedges of financial responsibilities, obligations and semblances of success. We have to be honest and selective with our career choices because most people will spend more time working than anything else. If you are dissatisfied or unmotivated where you are, change. You might have to go back to school or get a certification or even relocate. Whatever the cost, it dulls in comparison to waking up every morning for 25-30 years to something you dread.

3. Locations: Sometimes we may get to point in life where we are not happy with our progress. We feel that we should be at a different destination in life. There are numerous variables that may contribute to this, but let's consider one, our geographical location. We live in a world bigger than the city, county, state and country we inadvertently confine ourselves to. It's called relocation, people do it every day. New Jobs, homes, churches, schools and associates are awaiting you wherever you choose to go. Relocation may not be for everyone but it is worth considering if you are in a runt and haven't seen any variation in growth and/or prosperity in your life for a decade or more.

In the sea of life, we are not helpless drifters afloat on the turbulent waves of situations and circumstances, rather we are captains of fortified vessels. We have the power and ability to navigate ourselves in whatever direction we choose. However, if along our journey we discover that we don't like where we are headed, we have the right and authority to CHANGE our direction. Shun the fear of the unknown and embrace change!

Self-Control is Power

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”~Oscar Wilde

“You can not always control circumstances, but you can control your own thoughts.”~Charles Popplestown

A lot of interpersonal issues and problems revolve around one topic: control. Who's controlling who, what, when, where, how and why. Control is synonymous to power. We all are born empowered by our Creator. As we grow and mature, we discover areas in which to exercise our innate sense of dominion. Nonetheless, the most powerful arena in which power can ever be executed is...self-control.

Controlling one's self seems to be such an easy task. Most people would probably assert that they do control themselves, but do we really? Are you really in control of yourself or are you just responding to life? Do other people, situation and circumstances control you? If someone cuts you off in traffic, how do you respond? If a loved one is having a bad day, do you let his/her attitude or words affect you? Someone can't make you hit them or cuss them, your loss of control produces those actions. We only have limited control of situations and circumstances and we have the power of influence over people in our lives. Nevertheless, we cannot control others, we can merely influence their actions but we cannot make them do anything. We can, however, control ourselves at all times!

How do we control ourselves?

1. Our Attitudes

2. Our Responses

3. Our Words

3. Our Bodies/Appetites

4. Our Habits/Influences

In Hot Pursuit of Peace

First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.~Thomas Kempis

What is peace? Peace is defined as freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, having tranquility and serenity. Peace in a relationship is a state of mutual harmony. In life, people seem to be in hot pursuit of a lot of things like success, love, happiness and peace. However, these are not destinations we arrive at, rather inner strengths and perspectives that we take with us on our journeys to the various destinations life has to offer.

When we adopt or accept success in our attitudes, whether we win or lose is irrelevant because we always remain victorious. When we make the conscious decision that we embrace happiness then regardless of what storms come into our lives, we may get tossed to and fro but we will not lose our joy. The same applies to peace. When we are at peace with ourselves, meaning we are who we say we are in words, deeds and actions, then we become entitled to peace. We have set internal and external metrics in which peace can incubate and flourish. Nonetheless, when we are not stable or we allow unstable people in our lives, we create unnecessary stress, drama and trauma to our own peaceful havens.

Avoid environments, internal and/or external situations, circumstances or actions that yield conflict:

1. mental or emotional indecisiveness, instability

2. loss of control or ability to respond or act

3. breech in trust

4. insult, injury and rejection

5. a disparity between intentions and actions

6. people who are reactive and not in control of their lives

Balancing life in all of its faucets from careers to relationships and everything in between, can at times be an arduous task. Nonetheless, the less conflict, stress or tension we allow to overtake us, opens the gateways to maintaining a peaceful existence.

Faith: Living On The Edge

"When God leads you to the Edge of the Cliff, Trust Him fully and Let Go, Only One of Two Things will happen, Either He'll Catch You When You Fall, Or He'll teach You How to Fly!"


As children we played the game "Follower the Leader." A simple game of letting someone else, a friend, guide you to an unknown destination. As a child, life is simple as far as our belief systems because we have more trust and less fear. However, as we grow and experience life, we decrease in trust and increase in fear. Nonetheless, in our spiritual walks we begin to learn that faith's nemesis is fear.

Faith is not just believing or trusting intentions and outcomes but putting actions to those beliefs. "Faith without works is dead." Without putting actions to your faith, faith cannot reproduce its fruits in your life. Furthermore, "without faith it's impossible to please God." Nonetheless, as we persevere through life's labyrinth, sometimes our faith is shaken by the different paths we have chosen to travel. Once we have stumbled and fallen repeatedly, we begin to develop an outer shell to protect us from future hurt, pain and disappoint.

This outer shell gives root to fear in our lives and slows us down, even sometimes immobilizing us from being able to act or respond to life in the "right now" time sequence. We become so precautious and skeptical, that we think and talk ourselves out of our blessings, whether that be people or opportunities in our lives. Faith is based on the belief that, that which we hope for will manifest.

Faith says:
-there are no limitations to God's provision in our lives
-we can cast mountains of opposition into the sea, because our God is bigger than our problems
-that the situations or circumstances that we are going through are not only going to pass but that we are going to be better than before on the other side of them

Fear limits us and creates an imaginary prison cell for and tell us that we are sentenced for life. We have to finetune our hearing to our spirit man and follow His guidance. The safest place in the entire world is in the will of God. If He indeed leads you to a cliff, do not let fear of the unknown or dying (suffering the loss of something) forbade you from taking that monumental leap of faith.

God has a track record with you. He had never made a promise that he didn't keep. He's been better to you than you could have been to yourself. When you walked through your valleys of the shadow of death, he encamped his angels around you and kept you from all hurt, harm and danger. Whatever you are afraid to lose, you will lose. When you release yourself from the shackles of fear and say to God, "my life is in your hand"; you can leap off the cliff and realize that your action mixed with your faith just took you to a new plateau in your relationship with your Creator. If he catches you, your faith is renewed in the fact that he will NEVER let you down. If he teaches you how to fly, your faith is renewed in the fact that you have NO limitations in him.

Success: The Ability to Respond to Life

When we are preparing for success, what does that mean? The word success is so watered down because people define it to meet whatever metrics they set in their lives. Let's explore a simple definition of success, “our ability to respond to life and still being able to maintain a pure heart and a healthy perspective.”

What is life? Life is the summation of all planned, unplanned, both negative and positive experiences that we will encounter in our allotted time on this place called Earth. People usually connect success to acquiring, obtaining or maintaining things. To some success is merely overcoming the odds, having victory over defeat. Nonetheless, what happens when things don't go as planned? What happens when you lose. What happens when the odds are against you and they overtake you? What happens when open doors close? Can you still be victorious, be successful?

Yes, victory is overcoming defeat but victory is also how we respond to defeat. Yes, the path to success may appear as a meandering road of open doors, but not all open doors are portals to blessings in our lives. Sometimes open doors are portals to destruction and God closes them to protect us. Success is being able to respond to when things don't go as planned and you can still say “it is well in my soul.”

If success was just predicated on our abilities to achieve and obtain, then what happens when we don't? People prepare themselves for the best case scenarios but when life occurs they are ill-prepared for the opposing outcomes. Perhaps when growing up you were told success is having a job, house and a family? What happens if you lose those things? Does that make you a failure? The good news is NO. Failure is your inability to respond to LIFE.

A house is a thing and all things are replaceable. Your credit may hit ground zero but like most things it can be rebuilt in time. If you lose your job, the good news is there are more jobs. Is success having a large company? What if the company is filled with people who are lethargic and non-productive? Some times losing things makes room for other things to manifest. A tree cannot keep its leaves forever, it must lose them so new ones can grow. Sometimes we have to rid the dead weight in our lives that is causing us to drown. Stop holding onto to images of success and acquire a successful perspective, mindset. Don't be in the pursuit of success. Success is inside of you with every decision or response you make.

People plan a wedding but perhaps not marriage and definitely not divorce? Divorce is as much a part of life as marriage; they are both choices and neither have mandates. Is success in marriage years spent to together? What if those years are havoc and both people build silent contempt in their hearts for one another? Does marriage fail or do we fail marriage? Marriage is an institution designed by God, therefore we know it is indeed a good thing. If your doesn't work out, no big deal. Work on whatever residual issues you have and make better choices as far as spouses in the future, if you choose marriage again. Whatever the case keep a clean perspective and a pure heart. Don't desecrate marriage because someone may have desecrated you. Don't dog-out a whole gender because of your lack of discernment in selecting a lifetime companion.

Everything in life happens in cycles. We have seasons of peace and we have seasons of chaos. Learn to be prepared before the storm. Stock up on joy, peace, patience, and understanding. These things will help you keep your inner lights on even when your external ones go out. Whatever you have going into the storm, come back out with those things. They may get low and may need to be replenished but that's where your reserves come in, your friends. Success is a perspective that regardless of whatever happens to me, I'm not losing my mind, my joy, or my peace.

You Are Dirt: Sow Into Yourself

God formed Man out of dirt from the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life. The Man came alive—a living soul!~Genesis 2:7 (The Message)

In Hebrew "man" comes from the same word as "soil." Soil is synonymous with the words , dust, earth and dirt. Sometimes people exclaim, “I am as poor as dirt.” Why, because when we look at dirt we see no value. Nonetheless, farmers need dirt to plant seeds. Within dirt there are various particles and minerals that if mixed with the right elements cannot only produce, maintain but also recycle life. God looked at nothing (dirt) and saw something. When God created us he used 4 important elements: Vision, Substance, Talent, Inspiration.

Vision. Nothing begins without an idea, a thought. Have a vision, a plan, and a purpose for that which you are creating.

Substance. We have to have a substance to sow into. The good news is we and others are that substance. Know that you are good ground to sow into. Go beyond what you see before you in your current situations and circumstances.

Talent. An artist takes a canvas and makes it a painting. The canvas is nothing with the artist's imagination, talents and abilities. A creation does not create itself, it is the summation of its creator's ideas and work.

Inspiration. When God breathed upon us, he gave us life, hope, and inspiration. Without inspiration we are like expensive sports car sitting on flat tires.

Sometimes when we look at our lives, we are displeased at our outcomes. When we do self-inventory, we may have fallen short of the goals and/ or dreams we set for ourselves. Nonetheless, we are dirt, the earth, soil and are capable of regenerating our lives. Sometimes we don't take care of our soil and we let it become dry, hard and brittle. Guess what? We have been given the power of regeneration. It all starts in our minds and hearts. Grab hold to a new vision for your life. Use your talents and abilities fueled by the power of your imagination and inspiration and become a new creation, someone that the world has never seen before. Before we can manifest anything on the external, it must be birthed on the internal.

Life Begins Today

Today you have 100% of your life left.~Tom Landry

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.~Maria Robinson

Remember today, for it is the beginning of always. Today marks the start of a brave new future filled with all your dreams can hold. Think truly to the future and make those dreams come true.~Unknown

Yesterday is a canceled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have - so spend it wisely.~Kay Lyons

We cannot allow ourselves to be consumed in the thoughts of yesterday with the would've, should've or could've thoughts. They are self-defeating and torturous. On the other hand, we cannot be taken with the thoughts of tomorrow because sometimes they lead to fear of the unknown. We have to cease today! What your life has become or will become is irrelevant. Your life begins right now, today!

Today you have decisions and choices. Today you have the authority over your situations and circumstances. They may be different than yesterday's issues, but you still have options and power to enact them. Today is a vital step into your destiny. This day will become one of many yesterdays; and you have the creative power to create what the scrapbook of your life will look like.

"I should have gone to college." Good news, colleges are still accepting applications every day and there is no age limitation. If you need funding and can't get scholarships, it's called "student loans".

"I should have settled down and had a family." Good news, people are still getting married every day and doctors are still delivering births. If you can't have a baby naturally there are other alternatives.

"I shouldn't have let myself go." Good news, healthy eating and exercise work and where they fail plastic surgery can jump start you.

I should have done this, I should have done that. Bottom-line is if you really feel that passionate about it, consider the cost (mental, physical, time or financial) and get busy! You are your biggest foe or ally.

Happiness: To Be or Not To Be?

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.~Roman Anderson

Are you searching for happiness? Well, look no further! The good news is, it's closer than you think. Some times people spend all their lives searching for things that God has already given them access to. Happiness is not found, it is a decision within. Happiness is an inner condition within our beings that allows felicity, enjoyment and contentment. If we want happiness, we must allow ourselves to experience it.

Some times we look external of ourselves to find happiness and get very frustrated and disappointed when we only experience glimpses of it. Why, because we are borrowing someone else's happiness. Don't expect to find in others that which doesn't exist in yourself. Happiness is not what you should aim to acquire from relationships or situations but that which you bring with you into them. If not, then you enter those various experiences very needy. Your unfullfillment and displeasure with your life and circumstances then become strains on your relationships, because you are depending on someone else to deliver you from your own internal purgatory.

How to Unleash Happiness:

1. Learn to live through mistakes and not with them
We all screw up. Big deal! Get over it and move on. Failure is an event and never a person. Wipe the dust off of you and move on. Don't carry baggage with you. Baggage weighs happiness down to the ground.

2. Watch who and what you are allowing to influence you
Association yields assimilation. Hang around people who have made conscious decisions to embrace happiness in their lives regardless of the outcomes. These are proactive and not reactive people. Also, watch what media you are allowing to affect your thought processes, whether it be the news, political commentating, movies, or talk radio. This does not mean shun being informed and current on today's issues. Nonetheless, don't let those issues become yours.

4. Shun ignorance, Make informed decisions
Don't just jump into anything, from business deals to personal relationships. Take your time and do your research. It may be a lot of work on the front-end but will save you a lot of misery on the back-end. Anything that is gold will not turn into tin.

5. Be grateful for all blessings and advantages both small and large
Don't look at life as the summation of all things that have gone wrong, rather all the things that have worked together for your good. When you allow yourself to do that, then you begin to create a mental tapestry of the beautiful landscape we all have been given called life.

6. Focus on your strengths
No one is excellent in all areas. The goal is to master what you are good at and outsource that which you are not. Don't dwell on what you can't do. Use wisdom and discernment and surround yourself with people who balance you in those particular areas of challenge.

7. Have your money right
Not too many people are going to be happy in life if there money isn't right. It takes money to survive. Take care of your money and it will take care of you. It's called good stewardship. Don't work for money, let your money work for you. People sometimes understate or exaggerate the value of money. The simple truth is, we need money to live, but we should not live for money.

8. Say Yea! or Nay!
Learn how to say yes! Learn how to say no! Learn how to say both in their proper seasons and situations. This will make life less demanding and stressful.

9. Reverse Stinking Thinking
What we think usually becomes our reality. What we think usually spills out of our mouths. Don't confess negative things about yourself, situations, circumstances or relationships. You will have what you say. Embrace the power of positive affirmations. Don't say "this always or never happens to me". No time for pity-parties.

10. Embrace Transparency
The less fronts you fake, the less energy you expend trying to maintain the facades. Be transparent, what you see is what you get. True harmony is when the public you and the private you are one of the same.

11. Unveil Your Purpose
Discover what your purpose is. What were you birthed into this world to do? When you discover that, pursue it passionately. When we are not doing what we are passionate about it shows in various ways. No one is forcing you to do anything. You can change careers even if all your education and experience is towards something else. Don't let people and responsibilities put you into a box. It suffocates the happiness within.

12. Healthy Body and Minds
Give equal importance to your mental and physical health. Take care of your body from the internal to the external. Take care of your mind from your emotions to your thoughts.