In Love, We Usually Find Ourselves

The adage goes "opposites attract", and in a lot of cases this scientific theory can be applied to human relations. However, in most recent times, even scientific theories have been proven not to be absolute. Opposite gender, race and personalities and so forth may attract in general. On the other hand, when regarding human compatibility we take notice that it is usually those things that are opposite that can potentially detract from the relationship, especially when it comes to principles and general mindsets.

Differences can enhance a relationship especially when those differences are strengths where the other person has challenges. If a person is impetuous, they can benefit a lot from a person who has more patience and temperance. However, when it comes to the rudimentary components of life and what people adhere to their core belief systems and standards of living, antagonism is not a match but an annoyance.

God created us in His image. Why was it necessary to create man? Perhaps, He wanted an intimate relationship, someone he could be in love with and someone who could choose to love him back. Therefore, God created a being that reflects himself because He loves himself. God is love. If you love yourself, then what better person to love and spend your life with then someone who reflects you. It would appear easier to live in harmony with such a person.

This does not mean we have to be identical, but perhaps of the same basic makeup and element. This gives weight to the adages of "iron sharpening iron" (like element) or "how can two walk together unless they agree" (mindsets, beliefs, temperaments). Since no two people are clones, where both are individually challenged, perhaps they may strengthen each other or at least be able to understand one another. Where one might lack knowledge or wherewithall, the other may balance that. When people are of different dispositions sometimes they have a difficult time empathizing with why a person thinks or acts the way he does.

When considering marriage and becoming "one" with someone, it would seem we would want someone who fits. When doing an organ transplant, a person is acquiring a vital organ from someone else and he's going to live with that organ for the rest of his life. Nonetheless, a very crucial procedure is administered before this life-saving procedure can be done, a compatibility test. Does the blood type match? The parties must have the same blood, if not, the vital organ cannot and will not thrive. Therefore, this limits who can be qualified donors.

This same logic can be applied to finding a partner or mate with whom to spend the rest of our lives. Someone who has the same "blood". Someone where the vital essence of who we are is compatible and not rejected. Someone who's mental, intellectual, spiritual and/or emotional DNA is like ours. All the other commonplaces in life like, jobs, education, hobbies and personal interests can vary, similar interests and areas of enjoyment can serve as enhancements. The person does not have to be a clone but perhaps a mere reflection. Areas where they differ, it should add and not subtract from the relationship.

If we explored this thought, then perhaps it unlocks the key as to why people "fall in love" with who they do. At whatever phases we find ourselves in our development and evolution as a people, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, we are perhaps more drawn to those who reflect us at those stages. Sometimes this is good and sometimes it is not. If you keep falling in love with a certain "type" of person, look at where you are in life and what you are emanating.

People usually keep company with like-minded people. If you see mediocrity in your life then perhaps, I can almost guarantee, you are not only surrounding yourself with mediocre people but somehow you have fallen into the snare of mediocrity yourself. Mediocrity is easily viewed in a person's life because it produces stagnation and stunts growth, it lacks the fruit of progression and ambition. Nonethless, if you know that's not who you are, you will probably fall in love with someone who you see a "true reflection" of who you see yourself as. We can love endless amounts of people but we generally don't fall in love as easily. Being in love has "staying power".

Sometimes people may say, "why do I keep attracting crazy people?" Perhaps, there's something you're emanating that says that you have toleration for crazy people or that you are crazy yourself. (smile) If you look at your dating resume and if you see common trends then perhaps that's what you're emanating or you are just following the basic scientific theory of opposites attract. If you place value on things such as education, self-improvement, family, spirituality, you will probably be attracted to people who share those values.

People, I believe, want to live in harmony. If you are not at harmony with yourself then perhaps you are attracting people of the same spirit. If you are needy perhaps you are attracting needy people. If you have an ill attitude and unrelenting baggage from your past perhaps you are attracting the same. We create most of the drama in our lives by the way we handle people and process our own emotions and thoughts.

This is not to say that "falling in love" can be put into some "absolute" irrefutable theory. We love who we love, we don't have to rationalize it or explain it. However, isn't it interesting to think that perhaps who we are "in love "with is a direct reflection of ourselves? Sometimes we can search the world to find that which is compatible to us, and when we return to our starting place, we are looking right back at ourselves. God sees his reflection in who he chose to love, us. The same can apply to husband to wife, parent to child and friend to friend. In love, we usually find ourselves and the first love is self love. That's how we survive.