Relationships: To Stay or Not To Stay

"To thin own self be true."~Shakespeare

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."~Mark Twain

Why do people stay in unfulfilling relationships? People spend a vast majority of their lives in the context of roles performed in relationships. They are born into some of these roles like child and sibling. Others roles they assume like parent, child and friend. We don't pick who are parents are but we can pick who our friends and spouses are.

Romantic relationships appear to be the easiest relationships to enter and the most devastating to end. People find themselves in romantic relationships for many reasons but when those relationships progress to marriages that falter, people don't know how to leave. A major reason why people have difficulty leaving unhealthy marriages is because of their primary reasons for entering the marriages in the first place. Let's discuss some of the reasons why people marry:

Complacency: Some people get married because they have known each other for a long time and they are comfortable with the normalcy of that relationship and whatever degree of drama it has. To get married after so many years together appears to be the natural progression. Nonetheless, marriage has no magic wand, whatever issues you bring to the marriage altar the same issues will depart with you. If you are unfaithful prior to saying "I do" you will continue to be unfaithful after you say "I do". If you don't know who to effectively communicate and resolve conflict before your nuptials, then the same issues will persist. Marriage is not a natural progression in life and you do not have to be married. Marriage is not for everyone. Marriage is a beautiful divine plan for never-ending reciprocating love to be experienced by people who are "right" for each other.

Children: Some people get married because they had children (unwed) or want to start a family. If this is their reasoning then this will be their reasoning for staying in a hopeless marriage. You don't marry your children, you marry another person. Your marriage then serves as an example for your children. This example can be good or bad. Staying together for the children yields nothing but children who end up replicating the same mistakes their parents made or children who shun marriage because of what they saw growing up. Children are more resilient than parents give them credit. Some adults suffer trauma from their childhoods and project this onto their children and think the worse case scenarios if they divorce. Therefore they sacrifice their happiness for the sake of their children. Children need examples of reality not fairy tales. Children need to know life throws curve balls and how to bounce back after them. Parents have to have "real talk" with their children and empower their children to succeed regardless of whatever choices they make.

Finances: Some people get married because they want more things. They want to combine what they have with someone else to be able to have more in life. It's for that same reason they will stay with those people; they don't want to divide their things. If you divide the pie you're going to cry but if you don't divide the pie a part of you will die. The love of money is the root to ALL evil. Two are definitely better than one, but two half people don't make a whole person. Money is essential to life but not a reason to marry. Many people find themselves surrounded by all the things they wanted but not experiencing the fulfillment they idealized. Money is a seed and if you release it, it will grow. Don't be hellbound trying to hold onto to a dollar and end up losing the wealth that awaits you. Sometimes you have to cut off those things in your life that are unyielding in order to experience exponential growth.

Sex: Some people marry to have guaranteed or legalized sex. Nonetheless, many people experience that sex isn't guaranteed in marriages. Sometimes people have less sex married then what they did before they got married. Some people use sex to bait others into marriage but don't really have sexual compatibility. Sex is a method of communication and you have to make sure you and the other person are on the same frequency. If not, you will find yourself going from fornicating to adultery. There are no great or small sins. Sin is sin. Because you get married doesn't mean you are without sin. There are people who believe God honors their marriage vows but God honors vows attached to your heart. While man looks at the outside facade of marriages, God judges marriages by the hearts of the people. A marriage license doesn't honor God but having a clean heart--one free of bitterness, resentment,& unforgiveness--honors God. You are God's child before you are someone's spouse. God's number one priority will be you and the condition of your heart. God cannot use us when our hearts are hardened. That's why He permits divorce because of the hardening of people's hearts.

No one can tell you when to stay or when to leave but you already know the answer. Be true to yourself. Don't live a facade, you've been given life and you need to live it to its fullest.