Trust: The Window of Transparency

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.”~Unknown

What is Trust?
Let's define trust with two definitions. First, an unrelenting certainty and belief in someone's ability to be consistent and transparent. Secondly, trust can be defined as our belief that another person can be a good steward of our confidence and/or personal business. Usually when trust has been broken, the person who has broken that trust becomes inconsistent and is masking this violation with secrecy and lies.

How is Trust Gained?
Trust can be given or earned. Some people extend trust to others by virtue of them seeing the good in all people or how they perceive themselves, trustworthy. If you posture yourself as a friend towards them, they instantly bestow trust upon you. To others trust is an inner sanctum that must be gained through admission of deeds and actions. Perhaps, in their past, trust has been violated and now they are guarded and they look for consistency and transparency in order to render their trust to you. Regardless of which way trust is established, it is painful when it is violated.

Why Violate Trust?
No one really wakes up one day and says, “Today is a good day to break trust!” Sometimes people violate trust because of their innate inability to be honest and transparent. They are not comfortable with transparency which leads to vulnerability. Sometimes people violate trust because they don't believe the violation will be discovered. Sometimes people violate trust not necessarily because of something wrong with the person, but issues unresolved within themselves. We could postulate several reasons and explanations as to why people violate trust but just know if you are breathing and living you HAVE violated someone's trust, whether it be God's, your parent's, friend's, child's or spouse's.

You may have discussed another friend's personal business with someone else. Even if they didn't tell you not to tell anyone; most friends don't feel like they have to. They tell you their business in the confidence of knowing they can trust you to be a good steward with it. No one under the sun is not being discussed. If you are not being discussed , then you are irrelevant. Everyone discusses everyone, part of being a good steward is also knowing who to share our loved one's business to and who not. If they are damaged because you chose to share their business with the wrong person and in addition, it comes back to them, then damage has been done to the relationship. It also shows that in your circle of friends, you have not been a good judge of character as to who to share your confidence. Just because we are honest and trustworthy people doesn't mean we are without glitch or shortcoming. To say I am honest and trustworthy simply means, those are what I practice; not that I am incapable of being dishonest.

Repairing Trust
The good news is Trust can be healed and renewed IF both parties are active and diligent participants. Each person must determine the value of the relationship. What is it worth to them? If they are unequally yoked in their responses then they should move on. There's no need to live in disharmony and agony over something that isn't equally valued. The world is full of people which whom we can build other relationships with. People have to place the same value on the relationship. The onus of this repair usually lies on the one who violated the trust, but if the other person truly values the relationship they have the greater responsibility. Let's dissect this further:

The Offender:
1. must actively and diligently be consistent in their behavior
2. must actively and diligently be consistent in their transparency
3. must purge or repair whatever was the root cause that initiated their actions

These are reasonable requests and nothing over the top. How long should they do it? These are standards and principles. Transparency and consistency have no expiration. On the latter, we all have some form of baggage and need for maturation. We should always be evolving into better people. This is our journey of self-evolution in life, working on us, so we can in turn be blessings to others. First love is self-love.

The Offended:
1. must forgive the offense
2. must emotionally detach themselves from the offense

The reason why these are greater tasks is 2-out-of-3 of the offender's redemption is connected to some external demonstration. The offended person's process is internal. Most people can exhibit external facades but we cannot mask our internal. The offended's conversation and remarks may indicate signs of unforgiveness and that they are still keeping the offense alive. Nonetheless, after time their outward expressions of unforgiveness may change but it doesn't mean they have forgotten and therefore it be a cancer slowly metastasizing secretly throughout the years.

We have to stop, look, listen and examine the condition of our hearts. We have to diligently and actively pursue forgiveness, it's not inherent of us yet we are capable of it. It's in our circle of control. We cannot control others but we can control ourselves. A mature love says, “ I love you in advance for all the things you will say and do that will hurt me. You are flawed being, like me, and you will hurt me whether knowingly or unknowingly, but I love you anyhow. My commitment to you is to love you as I love myself.” That's the posture we should take in our relationships. That's the posture Christ took towards us when he died for us, for the the remission of our sins. Love sacrifices self so that life can strive and thrive, and a part of that sacrifice is the gift of forgiveness. We all are candidates to receive it.